[00:00.000] 作曲 : Stuart Murdoch
[00:01.497]I like the feeling of being a blank state.
[00:05.243]I think i've come through something.
[00:08.239]This is hard for me to admit.
[00:10.742]In the past i have always expected the worst to happen.
[00:14.995]Perhaps i still do think the worst will happen,
[00:17.745]But what if it doesn't?
[00:20.498]What if, at this point,
[00:22.994]I am in fact free.
[00:29.491]That i can walk down the street.
[00:33.745]Get on the bus.
[00:36.244]Buy a magazine.
[00:37.736]Talk to a guy in a shop.
[00:39.991]Try on pair of shoes.
[00:42.489]I don't need permission.
[00:45.757]I can do that.
[00:48.754]
[00:51.506]I got my room now,
[00:53.258]And that's important.
[00:55.014]It's like a base for me,
[00:57.018]And then there's that guy, james.
[00:58.757]I don't want him to bother me.
[01:00.763]I don't want anyone to bother me.
[01:03.010]I don't want anyone in my hair.
[01:05.014]I got my room and that's the main thing,
[01:12.013]But he is okay.
[01:15.015]If i could allow one person to bother me,
[01:17.764]It might possibly be james.
[01:20.765]Who knows?
[01:22.759]It is too early to say.
[01:29.012]
[01:37.258]I still got the cd that one of the girls in the hospital made me.
[01:41.286]I can't imagine who made it for her.
[01:43.529]All of the music is pretty old on it.
[01:46.026]Pretty random stuff
[01:48.525]I like it though.
[01:50.529]I wouldn't have liked this stuff before,
[01:52.779]But hey, i'm a blank slate.
[01:55.279]I can like it.
[01:56.785]There's no rules.
[01:58.277]No agenda.
[01:59.782]No learning.
[02:01.277]Just music.
[02:05.545]Sweet, simple music.
[02:06.290]
[02:07.286]I've been memorizing my favorites.
[02:09.288]I don't have any instruments.
[02:13.305]I've just been sitting in a patch of sunlight
[02:14.565]At the put of the bed in front of the mirror.
[02:19.563]I keep one headphone out,
[02:21.058]And i sing the track along with the cd.
[02:25.063]I wonder if my voice sounds good.
[02:28.565]I wonder if i'm even in tune.
[02:32.316]I have even tried a few scales,
[02:34.307]Though very quietly.
[02:36.806]How uncool is that?
[02:39.806]Me singing scales in my new room.
[02:44.807]On the disk is written jackson brown, nina simone, bill withers
[02:51.576]On the disk is written howard jones.
[02:55.072]Right now i feel like a starving person who
[02:56.578]Is tasting food for the first time.
[03:01.080]Howard jones is my mozart.
[03:03.581]He is like buttered toast.
[03:06.579]Don't ever tell anyone i said that.
[03:10.584]
[03:12.079]I wonder what i should do.
[03:14.829]When i was in the hospital it was easy.
[03:17.329]They had a schedule.
[03:19.827]I was like a kid the whole time.
[03:23.324]They were in charge; i was a kid.
[03:27.827]I jumped up and came down here.
[03:31.572]I put from my mind comfortable thoughts about hospital life.
[03:35.576]I am trying to block out thoughts about sex.
[03:39.584]I feel like i want to sing, but i'm in the library.
[03:45.829]I have fantasized for two years now about a job.
[03:49.075]Any job.
[03:51.576]Any job that would plucks me back into some sort of normal rhythm,
[03:54.575]Some sort of normal society.
[03:57.325]I thought for a while that the flock was going to be enough,
[04:01.827]But i have to keep moving.
[04:04.577]I am twenty three.
[04:07.327]What the hell am i doing in a high street library
[04:10.075]Writing about nothing?
[04:14.331]
[04:40.578]I wouldn't mind kissing him once more.
[04:44.074]Or at least, i wouldn't mind having a kiss only policy with him.
[04:49.076]For some reason i feel that it shouldn't go any further,
[04:53.580]But he's a pretty sensational kisser, hence the policy.
[05:00.322]I wonder if i could do myself some sort of internal injury.
[05:04.825]If i just kissed then left the room as soon as the kiss was over.
[05:11.829]If i never took the seduction any further forward,
[05:14.828]I couldn't damage a kidney or a loin or something.
[05:22.099]It's a bit annoying i can't go into the boy's shop.
[05:25.600]I want his advice.
[05:27.340]I was to dress, or something.
[05:31.097]But i look too much like a boy these days.
[05:35.340]Why can't i look like a girly girl once in a while?