Mother I Sober 作词 : Craig Balmoris 作曲 : Craig Balmoris I'm sensitive, I feel everything, I feel everybody One man standin' on 2 words, heal everybody Transformation, then reciprocation, karma must return Heal myself, secrets that I hide, buried in these words Death threats, ego must die, but I let it purge Pacify broken, pieces of me, it was all a blur Mother cried, put they hands on her, it was family ties I heard it all, I should've grabbed a gun, but I was only five I still feel weighin' on my heart, my first tough decision In the shadows clingin' to my soul as my only critic Where's my faith? Told you I was Christian, but just not today I transformed, prayin' to the trees, God is taken shape My mothers mother followed me for years in her afterlife Starin' at me on back of some buses I wake up at night, loved her dearly Traded in my tears for a Range Rover Transformation, you ain't felt grief 'til you felt it sober I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself Ooh, I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself I remember lookin' in the mirror knowin' I was gifted Only child, me for seven years, everything for Christmas Family ties, they accused my cousin "Did he touch you Kendrick?" Never lied, but no one believed me When I said "He didn't", frozen moments, still holdin' on it Hard to trust myself, I started rhymin' Copin' mechanisms to lift up myself Talked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself He has an aurora, I hope to achieve If I find some help, congratulations, made it to be famous Still I feel uneasy, water watchin', live my life in nature Only thing relieves me Spirit guide whisper in my ear tell me that she sees me "Did he touch you?" I said "No" again, still they didn't believe me Mothers brother said he got revenge for my mothers face Black and blue, the image of my queen that I can't erase 'Til this day can't look her in the eyes pain is takin' over Blame myself, you never felt guilt 'til you felt it sober I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself Ooh, I wish I was somebody Anybody but myself I was never high, I was never drunk, out my mind, I need control They handed me some smoke, but still I declined, sittin' with myself Went through all emotions, no dependents, except for the one Let me bring you closer, intoxicated, there's a lustful nature that I failed to mention Insecurities that I project, sleepin' with other women Whitney's hurt, the pure soul I know I found her in the kitchen Askin' God "Where did I lose myself? And can it be forgiven?" Broek me down, she looked me in my eyes "Is there an addiction?" I said "No", but this time I lied I knew I can't fix pure soul, even in her pain Know she cared for me, gave me a number Said she recommended some therapy I asked my momma why she didn't believe me when I told her "No" I never knew she was violated in Chicago, I'm sympathetic Told me she feared it happened to me, for my protection Though it never happened, she wouldn't agree Know I'm affected, twenty years later trauma has resurfaced Amplified as I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous I was five, questioning myself, 'lone fir many years Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel I made it home, seven years on detour, chasin' manhood But Whitney's gone by time you hear this song, she did all she could All these women gave me super powers, what I thought I lacked I pray our children don't inherit me and my feelings I attract a conversation, not bein' addressed in black families The devastation hauntin' generations and humanity They raped our mother, then they raped our sisters Then they made us watch, then made us rape eachother Psychotic torture between lives we ain't recovered Still livin' as victims in the public's eyes, who pledge allegiance Every other brother has been compromised I know secrets every other rapper sexually abused I see them daily burin' the pain in chains and tattoos So listen close before you start to pass judgement on how we move Learn how we cope, whenever his uncle had to walk him from school His ankle grows deep in misogyny This is posttraumatic black families and a sodomy, today is still active So I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I made So I set self my mother all the hurt that she titled shame So I set fire to my cousin, khaotic for my mothers pain I hope Hakeem made you proud, 'cause you ain't die in vein So I set fire the power of Whitney, may she heal us all So I set free out children, may good karma keep them with God So I set free the hearts filled with hatred, keep our bodies sacred As I set free all you abusers, this is transformation